NSFW - Fatback Media

It’s Friday. Pimp day. My day to spread the link love. So here’s what’s happening in the big city, y’all. Brook Burns is back to full on hotness mode after her injury, so I put that image there to remind you. I’m hungry.

Violet Ann Garner-Affleck Bristow is out and about with her mom, just in time for the new episodes of Alias. (GMMR)

Hooters Air is discontinuing flights to Myrtle Beach, my old home town. Now how will I get my dose of boobies when I fly in for trip to the Grand Strand for the Shag Contest? (Glitterati)

Naomi Campbell is tough like Russell Crowe. I’d like to fight her in a cage match. (IDLYITW)

Gwyneth Paltrow feeds her fetus Barley and Hops. It was good enough for my mom and me, why not for Milton? (The Bosh)

Britney Spears wants to play Janis Joplin in a new biopic. Janis Joplin had soul. Britney Spears has chicken McNuggets. That doesn’t make sense. And neither does Britney Playing Janis in a movie. (Pop Bytes)

According reports, Nick Lachey was getting hot and heavy with TV hottie Vanessa Minnillo on Monday at a New York bar. Nick, who has been linked with several Hollywood starlets lately seems to be making his rounds.

The two were in a flimsily curtained-off area at the W Union Square’s Underbar. “Nick’s a single guy,” is all a Lachey pal will say.

A source says Lachey, 32, and Minnillo, 25, were doing an R-rated bump-and-grind. “I saw tongues on skin,” says the source.

The next night, the pair dined with friends at Fiamma in SoHo then went on to hotel 60 Thompson, where they stayed until nearly 1:30 a.m. when they seen hopping into a cab with several pals.

The couple got close when Minnillo recently shot a part in Lachey’s upcoming video. (source)

Nick Lachey is giving Fez a run for his money. I have to say, that I am impressed. His star has all but faded away for singing so he has re-channeled his efforts into banging hot women while rubbing it in his bitchy ex’s face. Kinda like how I stopped being a science nerd after high school and became the white-hot attentive lover that I am today. I don’t mean to brag, but I use Axe body spray, ladies. Irresistible.

Vanessa Minnillo is ridiculously hot. She’s also from my home state of South Carolina. Well, actually she’s from the Philippines, but she lived in Charleston for while and even won the Miss South Carolina Pageant when she was a teenager. Hot, Asian, and a southern belle. Bless her heart. I KNOW! I’m pretty sure sure Nick Lachey will fuck this up somehow I call dibs for rebound.

Holy Shit. It’s not everyday that actual fantasies of mine come into fruition. Charisma Carpenter is in line to play Wonder Woman. Superhero Type had this:

Charisma Carpenter (”Veronica Mars,” “Angel,” “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”) talked to TV Guide and revealed that she really wants to land the role of Wonder Woman in Joss Whedon’s big screen adaptation:

TVGuide.com: Hey, are you going to star in Wonder Woman? [Buffy creator Joss Whedon is writing and will direct a big-screen take on the superheroine, to be produced by Joel Silver.] What a great fit that would be.
Carpenter: I know! From your lips to God’s ears… or Joss’… or Joel’s….

TVGuide.com: Another baby?
Carpenter: I’d like to eventually, but I want Wonder Woman right now. I’m not holding my breath but I’m crossing my fingers and toes and praying.(via)

As far a comic book heroes go, women seldom get much representation. Not so with Wonder Woman. She is a super-strong, super hot chick who wears next to nothing and can force you tell the truth by tying you up. What’s not to love? 98% of my sexual fantasies start with that last sentence. (They usually end with me crying naked in a dark room with straightening iron burns and smeared lipstick on my face, but I digress…)

With all this talk about Lindsay Lohan playing Wonder Woman I was getting a little disappointed in the direction this (proposed) film was heading. I mean Wonder Woman has to live up to Linda Carter circa 1970’s standards, kids. I don’t think Wonder Woman makes quick stops to Cartegna in the Invisible Jet to pick up a couple of kilos of coke on her way to a mission.

Charisma Carpenter is the perfect actress to play Wonder Woman. She’s hot, has a nice rack and good teeth (Amazon Warriors are known for their fine dentition). Oh, she can act and stuff, too. So, in honor of Veronica Mars freeing up my DVR by moving to Tuesday nights here are some images of the Wonder Woman herself.

UPDATE: Looks like this chick will be playing Wonder Woman now. She’s not nude, but if she is, I’ll find it.

Graphic Update: Wonder Woman with 3800 DD’s.

Speaking of hot tattooed women. Kat von D

Sharon Stone thinks more teens should be having oral sex. According to Contact Music Uk, the sexually fixated actress thinks that teens should use oral sex as a way of getting themselves out of dangerous sexual situations. Hm. Wait. What?

In a bizarre explanation she tells this story, according to Contact Music UK:

“I was in the store the other day and I watched a young girl trying on clothes, showing her abdomen.

“Her mother was trying to talk to her about not being inappropriately luring. I said, ‘Gee that would look much nicer with a camisole under.’ “Her mother walked away, and I said to the girl, ‘I’d like to give you a two-minute conversation about sex.’ “Young people talk to me about what to do if they’re being pressed for sex? I tell them (what I believe): oral sex is a hundred times safer than vaginal or anal sex.

“If you’re in a situation where you cannot get out of sex, offer a blow job. I’m not embarrassed to tell them.” (source)

I know I am in the minority, but I actually think Sharon Stone looks good, especially for a woman who is 48 (rrreow, cougar!) and she was definitely heat back in the day. That said, I think she is a fucking lunatic - a sexy cougar lunatic.

This must be the new way to promote movies. Screw the press junkets, let the crazies loose in public and let them have at the normal folks. In her defense, I think her heart is in the right place, but I’m pretty sure giving a blow job is not answer to date rape - especially when a good well lubed hand job will do. I know it’s saved me plenty of times. And for your onanistic pleasure (you too, ladies!) I have some nice images of Sharon Stone: pre-cougar. NSWF, duh.

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Wilmer Valderrama has apparently had sex with every actress in Hollywood. The Bosh reports that he boasted recently on The Howard Stern show that he has a large penis, took Mandy Moore’s virginity and had sex with Jennifer Love Hewitt, and Lindsay Lohan.

Wilmer Valderrama, one of the stars of “That ‘70s Show” as well as the host of the upcoming MTV program, “Yo Momma,” visited the Howard Stern show to talk about banging young starlets. Wilmer revealed that his penis is over 8 inches long.

Wilmer mentioned that he dated Lindsay Lohan for more than a year and that the rumor that he dumped her for Ashlee Simpson wasn’t true.Wilmer claimed that he took Mandy Moore’s virginity, Howard wondered if sex with her was difficult at first. Wilmer told Howard that the sex was “really good” with Mandy, but also acknowledged that it wasn’t “like warm apple pie.”

Howard said that he had a list of women with whom Wilmer allegedly has had sex and wanted his thoughts on each of them. The first name Howard mentioned was Jennifer Love Hewitt, who Wilmer replied “was an eight.” However, Wilmer claimed that the other three girls Howard brought up – Jamie Presley, Rosario Dawson and Jessica Alba – were just friends of his and that he’s never been physical with any of them.(source)

I really don’t know what to say about this except, WTF? The thought of Fez writhing and fumbling all over sweet little Mandy Moore makes me want to smash my forehead repeatedly with the round end of a ball-peen hammer in efforts to destroy that image. I would rather watch puppies drown in a septic tank than see that Wilmer has implausibly banged yet another hot starlet. Whiny, sunken eyed ghouls like Wilmer, used to get their asses kicked by the even the science nerds in high school. I should know, because I was the science nerd and I totally kicked his ass. Chemistry rulez!

TMZ is reporting that Scarlett Johannson was named the #1 in FHM’s Top 100 Sexiest Women in the World reader poll. I don’t ever read magazines like FHM, Blender, Stuff, etc because of their insane policy of Photoshopping the nipples out of the photos. I like my models airbrushed yet fully anatomically correct - just like at my sex parties.

FHM has announced a list of the “100 Sexiest Women in the World” for 2006 according to their readers. This year’s big-screen siren, Scarlett Johansson, tops the list. Other hotties on the podium include Angelina Jolie, coming in second place, and Jessica Alba, who ranked third. Next in line is Jessica Simpson, followed respectively by Keira Knightley, Halle Berry, Jenny McCarthy, Maria Sharapova, Carmen Electra, and Teri Hatcher.(source)

Although, most of the ladies mentioned above have made into one or more of my screenplays, I think the list is a mess as is its message. All women are sexy, in their own way. The sexiest woman in the world should be judged on her personality, her intellect and her contribution to society, oh and her huge rack.

Nick Lachey is making the rounds. He has been linked to Miss Kentucky Lizzie Arnold, CaCee Cobb, Kristin Cavalleri and most recently The West Wing’s Kristin Chenoweth.

Nick Lachey has gotten in another dig at ex wife Jessica Simpson. He’s traded in Kristin Cavalleri for a more mature, but just as beautiful Kristin Chenoweth. The pint sized hottie from the ‘West Wing’ and ‘Bewitched’ has reportedly captured Nick’s attention.

The 1999 Tony Award winner and Nick are reportedly seeing each other reports the National Enquirer.

Fresh off her FHM photo spread the blonde star looks fabulous for 37 and is five years older than Nick, and 18 years older than Kristin Cavallari. But the 4′11″ babe always references her religious upbringing (even in FHM) so she’s basically Jessica at 37.(source)

I never watch the West Wing, so I just thought she was that hot country chick from the Old Navy commercials. Kristin Chenoweth is obviously hot, and you know I’m a sucker for a southern accent, but I think she may be a little too pint sized for my sensibilities. Plus you know what they say about guys who like to date short chicks. Actually, do you know what they say?

According to a recent interview, Rosario Dawson thinks she’s not really that sexy. Here’s what she had to say:

The sexy actress doesn’t think she’s got a great figure - despite being one of Hollywood’s most beautiful celebrities - because she isn’t symmetrical.
She revealed: ‘I’m a little lopsided, which is totally fine.’

The ‘Sin City’ star is also paranoid she doesn’t have enough womanly curves.

She told Esquire magazine: ‘I have no hips. I’m the hipless wonder.’.

Meanwhile, Rosario recently revealed she grew up in a squat.

The star says her parents were so poor that at one point, they almost ended up living on the street. She revealed: ‘My mum broke into a building when I was six and my brother was one. ‘She thought it was better to move us into a squat with no running water, no electricity and no heat than to stay in the slum were in, with rats running through the room and the bath tub in the kitchen.’ The 26-year-old added: ‘For me, as a child, living that life was all I knew.’(source via Socialite’s Life)

Rosario Dawson is hot. And she grew up poor, which is even hotter because she knows how to settle work with what she has. According to vast amounts of research I did over the weekend, I conclude that Rosario is mistaken about being asymmetrical and unsexy. And by vast amounts of research, I mean sitting naked in my living room in the dark watching Rent and Alexander.

Little Kellie Pickler. Little cute, country fried Kellie and her talk of Tarantula’s (fake eye lashes) and minks (Simon called her a minx) has the whole country fooled. She’s not as sweet and innocent as she would have us believe. Case in Point: Her prom dress. (DListed story & photo source) Holy shit. That’s what I would expect to see if I rubbed a magic lamp, not on my date at the prom. I’m from the south and girls didn’t dress like that at the prom. I’ve never seen a dress with the “thong look” built in. That’s got to make your odds of scoring on prom night rise like, 1067% or something. After the slow dance you’ve already been to third base.
Kellie has perfected the aw-shucks, country-come-to-town act that her contemporaries Britney (who didn’t have to act it) and Jessica (who is trying to shed it) brought into the mainstream. There’s no doubt she’s hot. There’s also no doubt that she knows it, and will use it to get what she wants. If you don’t see it, then she had you at “bless your heart”. And just to prove that I am not a misogynistic bastard, here are some pictures of the real American Idol, Katharine McPhee’s rack.

More Kellie Pickler and her American Idol-riffic Boobies

Scarlett Johanssson has apparently parted ways with greaseball idiot her boyfriend Josh Hartnett. According to TMZ, Scarlett was seen out alone and the rumors are flying.

Sexy Scarlett Johansson was out and about at Hollywood hot spot Tokio with friends. Noticeably missing — boyfriend Josh Hartnett. Scarlett was low-keying it, partially covering her beautiful face with a hoodie. So, is the relationship kaput? Rumors have it that he called it quits.(source)

Now I have to kick Josh Harnett’s ass for different reason. First, he defiled Scarlett Johansson with his bumbling, ‘rush to get it in and pulled out before she knows you’ve shot your wad‘ version of sex he calls Tantra, and now he has the balls to dump her? One-eyed monkeys strapped to tables with their craniums sawed open at an RJ Reynolds test lab where toothless Virginia rednecks blow Marlboro Red smoke right on their brain tissue, are more appreciative of what’s life’s handed them than Josh Hartnett. In fact, I just showed my favorite monkey Cletus, Scarlett’s picture and he cried a little silent tear from his good eye. God Damn it.