NSFW - Fatback Media

Winona Ryder is a redhead for her new movie where she plays a femme fatale who kills guys accused of sex crimes. Why does red hair make her look like a killer? (ICYDK)

Jessica Biel is single. She just broke up with Chris Evans from Fantastic Four. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to make her mine. (I’m not Obsessed)

Kristen Bell and the cast of Veronica Mars are going to be a Comic Con. It’s like a Trekkie Convention, except cool because they talk about comic books. Why is the cast of Veronica Mars there? No clue. (GMMR)

Pam Anderson gets naked for PETA because she would rather be naked than eat corn flakes, …or wear fur, or something. (Bricks and Stones)

Avril Lavigne doesn’t do drugs. ME either, unless you count coke and quaaludes. But those aren’t really counted anymore are they? (Derek Hail)

Ed. Note: Recently I, and several of my super sexy blogger friends were having an impromptu pillow fight, like we do sometimes, and the conversation turned to some shady theiving bastards who are ripping our RSS feeds and automatically posting our content to their sites. Not only are they stealing our content, they are stealing our bandwidth and, in many cases our revenue. Playing with my money is like playing with my emotions, Smokey. Keep an eye out for stolen content and don’t visit those sites. Bitches.

We reported a few months back that Dane Cook may be stepping out on his hot Latina girlfriend and singer  Raquel Houghton with Jessica Simpson, so this latest news is not too surprising.

Simpson is reportedly getting hot and heavy with comedian Dane Cook, her co-star in their forthcoming flick “Employee of the Month,” according to Life & Style Weekly. “Sparks flew” during the filming of the movie over the winter but Cook was still with his longtime girlfriend Racquel Houghton.

Last week, Cook and Simpson “couldn’t hide their feelings” for each other at the Hollywood hotspot Hyde, according to the mag, even though the two maintain that they’re “just friends.”

“They looked like two people trying not to look like a couple but who really wanted to rip each other’s clothes off,” a “witness” told L&S, which also reports that at 2 a.m. the two planned a rendezvous at a gas station.(source)

According the Official website for Raquel Houghton’s band The Valli Girls:

If you haven’t heard of The Valli Girls, don’t worry because you soon will. These five teens from L.A.’s San Fernando Valley could easily be the girls next door-if those girls next door had been playing an instrument since they could walk, formed a band,had a record deal with Columbia Records and set their sights on ruling the world.(source)

Jessica Simpson better watch out. The last thing she wants is to get into a street dancing fight with a hard core gangsta bitch from the mean streets of the San Fernando Valley. OMG! SHUT. UP. Right?

In the surprise move of the decade, movie producers have somehow managed to greenlight a full-length Dallas film based on the shitty original TV series. Oh, you thought I was going to comment on how a virtual unknown got the role over heavy-hitters like Lindsay Lohan and Jessica Simpson. I’m pretty good at judging character by just looking at photographs so I would say the reason for the choice is that Katie Cassidy isn’t an insufferable lying bitch, or and insufferable lying bitch who is also a coked out whore. In fact, I would say that Katie Cassidy is an extraordinarily pretty girl who smells like expensive soap and new leather. Mmmm. Lilacs. (source TMZ)

While I finish off this bowl of Chicken and Dumplings, check out what’s going on around internet.

Woody Allen is a Perv. Oh, and he made a movie with Scarlett Johansson where he has sex with her everyday until the end of time. Wait. That might have been a dream I had. (Glitterati)

Norah Jones is filming a movie with Jude Law. They aren’t even dating yet and I think he has already cheated on her. (ICYDK)

Paris Hilton is god damn idiot. Oh, and she is attempting to be stylish by wearing gloves that she bought at Marshall’s. Stupid Irregulars. (VHT)

Alyssa Milano is hot, hairy Italian heat. As long as she shaves her legs, pits and her holier-than-thou then I’m in. (The Bastardly)

Givememyremote.com begins “The Office Summer Cartoon Series”, inked by super sexy artist Meg. Enjoy the Scrantonicity. (GMMR)

Ashlee Simpson turned down $4 million dollars to get naked for Playboy. Give me $40 and bottle of Tequila and I can have her dancing naked on the bar in 2 hours. Make sure you get a camera with a Flash. Oh, and photoshop me out of the pics, too. I have a secret identity to protect.(Tabloid Whore)

Wow. Another set of candids of Kristin Cavallari not doing anything but still remaining famous somehow. The best way to be really famous is to sleep with an super hot internet writer who has a double life as a crime fighter, like me. (Bricks and Stones)

At least one of the Beckhams has a skill. (Ed. Note: Ladies, don’t say I never think about you. Gratuitous man flesh follows)(Holly Scoop)

Speaking of soccer, and gratuitous flesh (the good kind) here’s Pamela David’s nude rack. I have no idea who she is, but as usual I fell in love with her immediately. (Subvert Society)

Nicole Kidman and Kieth Urban are on their honeymoon. I bet when they have sex it sounds like bag full of broomsticks hitting the ground. (INO)

This story has been confirmed for a while, but I a) had never seen April Scott and b) didn’t know she was a little christian hottie from down south. (I like my girls with some god damn values). According to her website she actually grew up on a farm with cows and shit which made me fall instantly in love with her. Country girls kick ass.

Hailing from Southeast Missouri where she was raised on a farm – yes with cows and chickens, drop dead gorgeous April Scott blends the best of French, Native Americans, and Spanish blood – Voila… Instant babe.

Winner of an amazing 85 beauty pageant crowns, April attended a private Christian University in Branson, MO and was awarded a BS in theater with a minor in rhetoric. Her grade point average in college was an astounding 4.083, which earned April valedictorian honors for her class in 2001.

She made the move west to pursue an acting career and arrived with a bang not a whimper. During her first week in Los Angeles, April landed an agent and within 2 months had earned her SAG (Screen Actors Guild) card.(source) (via:A Socialite’s life)

I’m not too sure about that pedigree though. In my experience country folk don’t have their lineage past a few generations. Like when I asked my mom in the first grade what we were she said , “I don’t know about me, but you’re a white trash little shit with a lisp and borderline Down Sydrome from all the pot I smoked when I was pregnant, or was it Quaalude’s? Nobody has Quaalude’s anymore.” Then she kind of trailed off. My dad basically said that a I was real live son-of-a-bitch, and that all women were whores. “Never trust ‘em”. Then the guard took him back to his cell. At the time I was seven and I didn’t really know what things like Munchausen Syndrome and assault and battery with attempt to kill were. It took a few Thorazine Injections and some shock therapy to really hammer those home. Good times. Speaking of good times, here’s the new Daisy Duke: April Scott.

Images (Socialite’s Life and Aprilscott.com)

There has been a lot of buzz about the show So you Think You Can Dance and, since I am a champion street dancer, I thought I’d check it out. Turns out the show sucks. It’s like American Idol light. The one shining light of the whole show and my new reason for watching is Cat Deeley. She’s british, she’s hot, and apparently she’s the cat’s meow on the British reality shows. I’ve yet to see her dance. But I’ll be ready when she does.

I got my dancing skills the real way: On the mean streets of the unforgiving city where danger and intrigue are around every corner, bitches. Somebody bumps into me coming off an escalator at the mall, they’re gonna have Pat Benatar, all up in their grill before they can say, “Love is a Battlefield”. I think you read me on that one. I’m not scared pull Thriller out at the drop of sequined glove, either. Just sayin’. I’m hard core. You bring the Jets, I’ll hit you with Jesus Christ Superstar Jazz hands. You bring some of that Julliard Ballet bullshit and I’ll go RENT on your leotard wearing ass, cause I can sing like a mother fucking angel. Now check out these pics of Cat Deeley while I work on my moves. Amatuers.

Sultry jazz singer Diana Krall recently announced that she is expecting her first child with husband Elvis Costello in December. I have to believe that Diana Krall has a congenital eye defect that warps light and makes Elvis Costello look human and not the the alien we all know him to be. That’s the only explanation I can think of for that union.

Diana Krall and husband Elvis Costello announced Sunday that they are expecting a baby due in December – just in time to mark the couple’s third wedding anniversary.

A spokesman confirmed the pregnancy, reports the Associated Press.

The London-born Costello, 51, whose songs include “Veronica,” “Pump It Up” and “Alison,” currently is touring with Allen Toussaint in support of their album, The River in Reverse. (source)

Diana Krall has always been a favorite of mine. She’s got a great voice, she’s a brilliant musician and she also happens to be smoking hot. Whenever I make sweet, sweet love to my woman on those unseasonably mild summer nights where the breeze blows the salt air in from the ocean, I usually throw in a Diana Krall CD to accompany my intensely spiritual sexual stylings. It’s really a good mix. You should see it.

So much going on today kids! Check out these links while I gather up the day’s goodies.

Britney Spears dyed her hair black. Black hair and a baby on board doesn’t make you Angelina, Britney. Black hair and years of kung fu deviant sex does. (TMZ)

Super sexy Tabloid Whore has the recaps of The Hills for all you TV Addicts who are jonesing for some fresh TV. (Tabloid Whore)

Speaking of TV and shows I’ll never watch, TV Maven GMMR has the deets on the new season or Project Runway.(GMMR)

Ray Romano is getting a new sitcom on HBO. I bet he’ll complain a lot in it.(INO)

Wow. Breaking news. A ridiculously hot, young woman is going to marry a rich, smarmy older guy who’s an heir to a throne somewhere. Will wonders never cease? (Glitterati)

David Hasselhoff is fucking crybaby. I never cry. I’m dead inside.(VHT)

Gisele Bundchen broke up with the surfer dude she was dating. He’s not that cool anyway. I was a surfer, but I used a human torso as my board. I am just that bad ass. (Bricks and Stones)

Philip Seymour Hoffman talked some girl into having sex with him and nows she’s pregnant. I am scared of him. (ICYDK)

Tom Cruise is a dick. (Holly Scoop)

Paris Hilton, entitled rich bitch tramp, reportedly had her private helicopter make an emergency landing at a German farmhouse (where she is touring?) so she could use the restroom.

Paris even got her security to stop the family from entering their own bathroom so she could relieve herself in peace.

A source told Britain’s More magazine: “She gave the farmer a bit of a shock. Her bouncers even blocked the farm door so the family couldn’t go inside their own house while she was using the loo.”

The star then allegedly spent another ten minutes on the startled farmer’s porch, so she could smoke a cigarette.

The unnamed farmer said: “She was cold as a fish, and cursed about the weather.”(source)

I’m not sure, but I think landing a fucking helicopter on foreign soil and forcefully commandeering someone’s household is an act of war. I just wish she had tried that in North Korea. Or better yet, down South. I’d like to see her try to land a chopper in the middle of a south Georgia farm and try to force the residents out while she pees. That’s the best way to learn about states rights and get a load of triple aught buck to the torso.

Katharine McPhee recently admitted to having the eating disorder, bulimia to People Magazine and she says that the ordeal was torturous and almost ruined her voice. She credits American Idol with saving her life because she went from throwing up seven times a day at her worst to focusing on American Idol and her voice. She sought help at a Los Angeles clinic.

Meanwhile, millions of “American Idol” fans, and even the judges, had no idea of Katharine’s struggle throughout the competition.

The songstress was at war with her demons and even hinted about her torturous relationship with food to our Terri Seymour the night before the finale. “I was always trying to lose weight and then I was obsessed about the food,” she said. “As soon as I stopped worrying about the food, the weight just started coming off.”

Katharine revealed she’s dropped 30 pounds and gone down three dress sizes the healthy way, thanks to getting help and the support of her parents and boyfriend, Nick Cokas.(source)

I never noticed that Katharine had a problem with her weight and that’s probably because she didn’t have a problem with her weight. After spending hours analyzing TiVo footage of her rack in my top secret research facility, I have concluded that her boobs are perfect in every way. And if there’s anything I learned in Medical School, it’s that a great rack requires sufficient calories to maintain its glory. Oh and lots of hands on TLC. By me.

UPDATE: So that last picture is apparently Nick Cokas (hehe heh) Katharine McPhee’s boyfriend. When I first saw that picture I thought she was just being nice to the “special” middle aged guy on the street corner near the deli who laughs a lot and pees on himself. Wheeeeee.