NSFW - Fatback Media

Hey y’all. It’s Halloween, my favorite holiday and it’s time for the 1st annual FB&C Celebrity Halloween Costume Contest. Our panel of expert judges, mostly consisting of me, have reviewed the top celebrity costumes this year and we have decided on the winner. We’d like to thank the celebrities for all the really inspired costumes this year. We can’t say for sure, but from the look of things, most of our contestants planned out their costumes tens of minutes before leaving the house. Sweet! Here are the contestants. Continue after the jump.

Kate Moss and Pete Doherty. Grade: F. I can totally tell who they are. If they were going for baby genetics destroyers then they get a B-.

---

Hi I’m Chris Klein. The pizza! Terrible. F.

---

Bill Maher as Steve Irwin. Zero points asshole. Sweaty drunk? B+.

---

Let me read your fortune Hilary Duff. Your costume sucks. You look like the chick that works at Wiccan Wicks Candle Store. D-.

---

What the hell is Hailey Duff wearing? Is that a 80’s jazzercise outfit with ski boots? Way to use shit from your own wardrobe. F.

---

Hey I’m Lindsay Lohan. I’m dressed as a whore in a leotard. Let’s do coke and jazzercise. I love the 80’s. C-.

---

Here’s Lindsay Lohan again. She dressed like my grandfather after dinner and a spongebath from his nurse. If you were trying to be Old Hollywood sexy then you failed. You make me want to take out my teeth and watch Matlock. F.

---

Here’s one of the Girls Next Door. I’m guessing she’s trying to be a dirty fairy god mother. Well, that still equals whore. B-.

---

Chloe Sevigny’s gorgon gaze will turn you to stone. It’s not even really a costume, but it scares the shit out of me. B+.

---

Nicole Ritchie as a skeleton. Terrible. Way too much meat on your bones fatty. D-.

---

Wow. Paris Hilton went all out. She’s a slut dressed as a sluttier slut. The irony of that may destroy the space-time continuum. F–.

---

Madonna dressed as British kidnapper complete with real live kidnapped baby. Good effort but I can still smell Detroit, dummy. D+.

---

Jared Leto dressed a fucking insane person. Good effort, but you need to lose the expensive bag. Real crazy people use trash bags. Nice research. Idiot. D.

---

Robin Hibbard is dressed as someone who’s famous. No chance. F.

---

Mariah Carey as a well fed prostitute. B+.

---

WTF, Fergie? A princess, girl scout whore? Failure. F+

---

Me. Dressed as sexy me the last time I wore these clothes. Brillant. A+. Winner.

---

So there you have it. I’d like to thank everyone who competed in this year’s contest and I’d especially like to thank myself for being the sexy winner. Oh, if any of you Smarty McSmartypants noticed that this post is very similar to Maddox’s children’s drawings post then you’d be right. Good writers imitate. Great writers tie you up and murder your fucking family. Happy Halloween. Candy corn rulez.Sexy Southern Update Y’all! These are some last minute contestants who decided to get in on the action.

---

I guess Elisha Cuthbert was going for Clockwork Orange. Clockwork Wrong. Terrible. C+ (she’s still cute)

---

Alyssa Milano as a fairy princess. Actually not bad. Not really much to say but, make a wish. B+UPDATE: Eagle eyed Jenny noticed that Alyssa has her wings on upside down. Failure. Automatically disqualified, dummy. No grade.

---

Hi, I’m completely drunk. I fell in the makeup and I have blue lipstick on my teeth. Funny so, B-.

---

Cindy Margolis as an aging sanctimonious internet star who finally decided to shut the fuck up and finally show us the goods. A-.

---

Dana Delaney. Cougar(?) School girl. Works for me. B+.

---

Slutty French Maid, huh? Yawn. Stick to farting on guys and leave the creativity to the smart people. F.

---

What the fuck is this? If you were trying to go for sexy dead couple then you failed. Are ‘dirty clothes’ considered a costume? Six years left on your deal with the devil, dude. Then she’s mine. F-.

---

Rhona Mitra as Wonder Woman. More like wonder where the fuck I’ve been. I didn’t realize that Wonder Woman was such a slut. Looks like she banged the entire Justice League of America before coming to the party. Nice fishnets. Whore. C+

---

Well, looks like Cindy almost had me there at the last minute. After a quick rundown with the judges, I still win. Happy Halloween, muthafuckas.